The Tree

I finally took my Christmas tree down today. Well, I'm in the process of taking it down . . . I had to take a break after removing the ornaments--I feel like I'm running a fever again. Hopefully, the tree will soon be packed away.

I've been avoiding the tree. Decorating for Christmas is always hard because I am assaulted by memories. This year, I made new memories . . . and I had help putting the tree up. Now I'm being assaulted by those memories as I put the decorations away . . .

I think I'll skip Christmas next year and run away on a cruise . . .

Then again, maybe my focus wasn't where it was supposed to be this Christmas.

[Tree update: The tree is down, but I couldn't fit it into the box. And I fell trying to take the angel off the top . . . I had forgotten that my stool was broken, and it collapsed when I stepped on it. I fell on my glass coffee table, then onto the floor. I am thankful that not only was I not hurt (beyond an ugly bruise), but the table didn't break when I fell on it!]

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I wrote previously about emailing the pastor from New Heights Church, Matt Hannan. I decided to email him again this morning--this time he responded. He did get my last email, but based on my email, he didn't feel the need to respond.

I shouldn't be so sensitive and judgmental, but I was looking at it from a different perspective. In my mind, a pastor is different from the rest of us--they are shepherds, they represent Jesus in a way that most of us don't have an opportunity to do. So I have that little "WWJD" in the back of my mind whenever I communicate with pastors or priests. If I emailed Jesus and told him I loved his teaching, how would he respond? Hmmmmm, I think he would ask me how I was applying it . . . OK, enough about Jesus . . . How would I respond if someone emailed me and told me they liked my teaching? I would reply with "Thank you."

But he is a busy pastor at a large church, you say. I sure hope Jesus isn't too busy . . . his church is huge.

I know, I'm not being very Christ-like at all. It isn't my place to judge . . . especially after all the things I've done lately--much worse than not responding to one stupid email. And he's just an imperfect man, not Jesus. He's an imperfect man who is actually making a huge impact for Jesus.

What am I doing for Jesus? Nothing. Now that is something I need to spend some time thinking about. But I just don't feel like I can do anything for Jesus . . . My response to "who are you" has been "I am a beloved child of God" for years . . . Now I'm more of a "red-headed step-child."

I'm just tired of trying and always failing.

Anyhow, he responded to the last email, and I ordered the sermon series that I had borrowed from my friend--I'm going to listen to it again . . . it really was good, and maybe it will help with what I'm going through now. Maybe. I'm more than a little pessimistic right now, but I haven't given up.